Allow me to be human for a moment (yoga teachers are imperfect)
In an effort to keep the newsletter concise and clutter-free, I decided to add this blog post in case anyone had interest in reading on…
Obviously, if you’re reading this, you know me from yoga. In fact, many of you know me for several years. Some of you I know beyond the mat and some not. Regardless, I think it needs to be said that yoga teachers are far from perfect. We’re regular people, trying to find our way in the world like everyone else. I know we usually project an image of chill spirituality, sometimes shrouded in mystery.
I’ll let you in on a secret: We’re not chill AF. Mostly.
When the pandemic initially hit and everyone made massive adjustments in their day-to-day lives, I’ll admit to feeling significant relief. Despite some passing stress over how I would take over teaching from home and how my students would find me, I was comforted overall by being at home. There were opportunities to actually walk the walk and talk the talk of this yoga lifestlye. Teaching yoga has been a passion of mine since 2010. But prior to the pandemic, there were so many things that ate away at me.
Commuting. It can be hard enough when you have to do it for a job five days a week. I’ve been there. But imagine working several jobs in several locations each day over five, six or sometimes even seven days a week. Some days I was up at 4:30am to teach the early classes. On those same days I also taught evening classes and didn’t get home until 9pm. Eating meals? I ate on the run; rarely sitting to properly chew, let alone enjoy my food. I had only one weeknight where I ate dinner with my husband.
When COVID shut everything down, it gave me the chance for grounding I didn’t know I needed. For so many years I’d been running around and doing all of the things, I didn’t realize the state of constant stress and disorder I’d been living with. But in these many months of this new normal, I’ve recharged my battery and reestablished roots, settled in with newer, better and nourishing routines. I feel significantly better in my day-to-day life. Yoga instructors have this image of living well, exuding health and maintaining a calm exterior. In the before-times, the only time I truly felt that sense of calm was when teaching. I still do; it’s how I know I’m in the right place, then as now.
That “right place” right now though is literally turned upside-down. My living room/yoga studio is in upheaval. Some of you have seen me teaching from different spots in my apartment as we sorted out the mess happening behind the scenes.
What happened? It’s a long story, but it involves a new sofa that turned up weeks prior to when it was promised. We removed three wall unit pieces to make room; but first had to empty those wall units. Basically, our one bedroom apartment looks like we just moved in yesterday. You remember how stressful moving is, right? I’ve been feeling that for about three weeks so far. It’s getting better, but man is it taking time.
So, couple all of that with the stress of classes not opening up as fast as they need to, the advocacy work I do, and trying to build future teacher trainings and workshops to stay afloat in my profession. In a word, it’s been HARD.
Why am I mentioning all of this now? For one, The Intro to Ayurveda ebook is so close to done. It’s the finishing touches holding everything up right now. If it weren’t for all this behind-the-scenes mess, it would be done by now. But… here we are. And, I’m a yoga professional who’s less than tech savvy. Dealing with formatting, adding links, etc. have been details that it turns out, take a lot of time! So when I find even a few minutes to work on it, I’m literally stuck on how to finesse the Table of Contents. Sounds like no big deal, but really: if you were to download and read this book, I bet you’d expect things to work properly and for it all to make sense, right? Yeah. Details are important.
When I spoke to my friend last Thursday and unloaded all of this STUFF, she said I needed to give myself permission to BE HUMAN. That said, I’m asking you folks to be understanding as I have this “being human” moment. Life is messy and I am imperfect. As much as I practice what I preach, things sometimes get the better of me. Believe me, I get it that consistency is key to being successful as a yoga teacher (as in so many things); I know this. You still see me on Zoom and in the NYSC classes, the weekly YouTube videos go out on time and the newsletter has been on schedule. But this other, new stuff is taking time. I will get there, and I invite you all to stay with me on this ever-changing journey.
And for your patience and all the kindness you’ve shown me over the years – especially in these past 20 months (yes, it’s been that long!) – a HUGE Thank You to all of you. Thank you for letting me be human and imperfect while sharing some yoga with you.
I’ll see you soon on the mat where we can unwind together.
